I don’t think it’s a stretch to presume this kid hates school. While there’s always the possibility that his disposition doesn’t match what he’s feeling inside, I’m willing to bet he’s cursing the alarm clock that woke him up at the crack of dawn, the lumpy oatmeal his mom shoved in front of him, and the next 6 to 8 hours of “education” he’s going to face. I can’t help but feel a whole lot of empathy for the kid. So much empathy, in fact, that if I were to meet him I would have to tell him about a guy named John Darnell, which is something that most responsible adults would surely frown upon.
As an elementary school student in Idaho, John Darnell dedicated much of his time and creative energy to writing (forging) excuse notes from his parents in order to get out of school or, at the very least, get out of his most dreaded school activities. His notes were so outlandish that many of his teachers saved them and over the years they have become legendary. Here are a few classics (along with their original spelling and grammar):
Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse John from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
John could not come to school today because he has been bothered by very close veins.
Please excuse John for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Revealing a spirit of compassion and selflessness, John even once composed a note for a female classmate:
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Cheers, John, for your ridiculously sincere — and comical — attempts at avoiding school. You’re a true genius.