Mike Huckabee Lives Here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, did you know Barack Obama hates America? Thanks to Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly (who, until a couple of months ago, didn’t know what causes ocean tides) you probably did know that bit of information already. But do you know why Obama hates America? Well, according to Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas and current Fox News Channel talking head, “Barack Obama’s childhood in Kenya during the Mau Mau Revolution made him hate America.” Huckabee further explained that the average (white) American “grew up going to Boy Scout meetings” and lived in communities “filled with Rotary Clubs, not madrassas.” Given the fact that Huckabee intends to be a relevant figure in the 2012 election, I expect this sort of politics-as-usual mudslinging. It’s never too early to start taking shots at your enemies in Washington, right? But what did Natalie Portman ever do or say to Mike Huckabee to get on his bad side?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not satisfied with the level of absurdity he achieved with his remarks about the President, Huckabee decided to go in on Natalie Portman for showing up at the Oscars pregnant and unmarried:

“Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children.”

The logical incongruence of Huckabee’s statements and his stance against Planned Parenthood notwithstanding, I fail to see where Natalie Portman’s pregnancy was “glamorized” by anyone. It’s not like she won an award for Best Actress to Accidently Get Knocked Up by Her Co-star. She’s a grown woman (almost 30), a Harvard graduate, she’s got plenty of money, and is engaged to the baby’s father. I’m not really understanding how this brings us any closer to the downfall of civilization. For as much nonsense as the mainstream media perpetuates, you can’t really accuse them of selling young girls the idea that they’ll become overnight Natalie Portmans if they get pregnant. And you definitely can’t accuse Natalie Portman of it. Clearly, Huckabee is unencumbered by the need for intellectual coherence; maybe he realized that when he tried to smooth things over a couple of days later:

“Natalie is an extraordinary actor, very deserving of her recent Oscar and I am glad she will marry her baby’s father. However, contrary to what the Hollywood media reported, I did not “slam” or “attack” Natalie Portman, nor did I criticize the hardworking single mothers in our country. My comments were about the statistical reality that most single moms are very poor, under-educated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death. That’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that society often glorifies and glamorizes the idea of having children out of wedlock.”

Nope. We’re right back to the same thing. So never mind. I don’t know why I was hoping he’d have an epiphany about the importance of women’s reproductive rights. Silly me.

In the simple mind of Huckleberry Mike, Barack Obama’s childhood and Natalie Portman’s pregnancy seem to be representative of everything that’s wrong in the world – or his world, at least. I’m glad I don’t live there.

Natalie Portman being awesome:

“Natalie’s Rap”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8e6-IeQ0aw]

Zack Galifianakis & Natalie Portman – Between Two Ferns
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOVq_UL48o0]

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