Think

© 2010 JDL / Canon EOS 40D * 1/20 (0.05 sec) * f/2.8 * 90mm * ISO 100

I’ve often argued that thinking is a lost art. Whether people just stopped trying at some point or somehow lost the ability, I can’t help but wonder about the state of human cognition. As troubling as this might be, the failure of some people to use their mind rationally serves as an endless well of comedy. Case in point:

One of the shortest U.S. criminal trials on record took place in 1976 in Tulsa, Oklahoma and involved a man named Marshall Cummings. Mr. Cummings, charged with robbery, assumed that defending himself would be a good idea. His first question to the prosecution witness (the robbery victim) was, “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?” Cummings was immediately found guilty and sentenced to 10 years.

Clearly, he didn’t think things through.

Find a Way

© 2010 JDL / Canon EOS 7D * 1/400 (0.003 sec) * f/3.5 * 50mm * ISO 400

I don’t think it’s a stretch to presume this kid hates school. While there’s always the possibility that his disposition doesn’t match what he’s feeling inside, I’m willing to bet he’s cursing the alarm clock that woke him up at the crack of dawn, the lumpy oatmeal his mom shoved in front of him, and the next 6 to 8 hours of “education” he’s going to face. I can’t help but feel a whole lot of empathy for the kid. So much empathy, in fact, that if I were to meet him I would have to tell him about a guy named John Darnell, which is something that most responsible adults would surely frown upon.

As an elementary school student in Idaho, John Darnell dedicated much of his time and creative energy to writing (forging) excuse notes from his parents in order to get out of school or, at the very least, get out of his most dreaded school activities. His notes were so outlandish that many of his teachers saved them and over the years they have become legendary. Here are a few classics (along with their original spelling and grammar):

Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse John from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

John could not come to school today because he has been bothered by very close veins.

Please excuse John for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Revealing a spirit of compassion and selflessness, John even once composed a note for a female classmate:

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Cheers, John, for your ridiculously sincere — and comical — attempts at avoiding school. You’re a true genius.

 

“Who’s the Champion?”

© 2010 JDL

“Camay”

© 2010 JDL

 

Dressed to Kill

© 2010 JDL

I often hear fashion conscious women talk about “versatility.” I’m far from a fashionista, but I figure they’re referring to clothing and footwear that can serve more than one purpose; like something you could wear to work and to a party. I found a great example of this concept in a Georgia woman who wore a pair of her best heels to an ultra-fancy Waffle House breakfast on Valentine’s morning. Upon entering the restaurant, the woman noticed her ex-boyfriend enjoying a meal with his new lady. Consumed by a jealous rage, the woman attacked her ex, beating him in the head with the heel of her shoe. Luckily, the guy escaped with his life. And the femme fatale, she was charged with battery and criminal damage to private property. I don’t condone the woman’s actions by any means, but if you’re going to make a fool of yourself in front of a crowd, you might as well look good doing it. Who knew high heels were so versatile?

Hold On

© 2010 JDL

 

Thinking Cap

© 2011 JDL

 

Safety First

© 2011 JDL

 

“Up the street I look to see

If any traffic’s near to me.

Down the road I look as well

And listen for a horn or a bell.

There’s something coming, wait a bit

If I run out, I may be hit.

Right and left, front and near

Let me see if it is clear.”

Climb

© 2011 JDL / Canon EOS 7D * 1/320 (0.003 sec) * f/5.6 * 50mm * ISO 200